Total newness!!!

Hey, people seem interested in what is new with me (or they are interested in what I think they are interested in, which is essentially the same thing. I say this only to acknowledge that there is a ton of stuff that I don't relay on here, which I am sure people would find interesting, but it's normal for me so I don't write about it, so you just wrap your little bean around that). I tried for the longest information relayed in parenthesis award, feel free to vote for me. If you actually read that and got mildly winded, you get an award too.

• I have been complimented on the unquestionable hotness that is my shaved head. It is wonderful in its roundness and lack of dents. If you knew my childhood (2 words- skateboard punk) you understand how honored I am that NASA calibrates their tools to accurately measure roundness based off noggin blueprints I supply them. Thank you Poop, it is always good to know that I am popular inter stately . FYI- I shave my head on purpose, I am actually blessed with an over-active follicle arrangement. Hooray Hair!!!
• I saw Transformers again. Still a great movie. If you are a nerd from the '80s or early '90s, you either have seen this or not yet. If you haven't yet, what the frig are you waiting on???
• Started jogging. Not sure why. Everything feels good, no pains so far. I might just keep doing it. And then I will bust a shredded ab shot on this website, making me a triple threat male (intellect, nicely shaped noggin, totally ab-tastic belly). DNA will be on sale on eBay, check with BHazy for the PayPal account.... Yeah, there's more than a few eyebrows raised on this bullet point.
  
• Going to Texas next week. In August. I assume I will get the middle seat between Beelzebub and Mephistopheles for the ride down. Satan himself will be the pilot. Hoooooottttt.
  

Discovered and (hopefully) enjoyed by:

• Despite my efforts to minimize exposure to this blog at the workplace, it seems that I am discovered (thanks to hotlink from tadpole). Sooooo, I would like to welcome Turbo to this page. Don't be scared to leave a comment...
• Candy, where you at? Been ages since you posted.
• Peter- welcome aboard sir. I am indeed innocuous ramblings. Happy reading sir.

Please stay tuned for my future update titled "Things my wife swindled from me by batting her eyelashes or shaking her rump in my direction". I may have to shorten the title, but I think you see where I will be going with that post.....

Hey, I'm back

I apologize for yet another delay between posts, but I swear that this time it was not my fault (at least not all of it). Bhazy and I have been experiencing monitor trouble, but I think that is to be expected when you have a 9 year old CRT (way before flat screen) monitor.

At this moment I would like to pay respects to LG electronics, life really is good (reference to their commercials). I have had this monitor less than 36 hours, I am a big fan.

My wife is even more happy about this than I am, and as the saying goes- "as long as momma is happy, everyone is happy".

Now my only concern is now my wife will be blogging it up even more than usual, which is really saying something.

Quick update:

• Went to New Orleans. Made it back in one piece. Not gonna see me on any Girls Gone Wild Videos. 'Nuff said.
• Going to Texas is a couple of weeks. Looking forward to another trip to Fogo de Chao. Not much else.
• Work is work. For lack of freedom now that my boss is aware, I will leave my comments unsaid.
• Still reading Steven Erikson, I really advise you do the same.
• I have a new iPod. It is great. I don't mind when someone has a veritable monopoly on an idea, especially when it makes me this happy.
  
• My wife is eyeballing my old iPod, I will write on that topic later...

Outside of that, I have to "ponder" future (near future, not far) topics and update later.

Angry much? Who, me?!?!?!

Seriously, I am not an angry person. Apparently two co-workers recently told my wife I was an angry young man. I disagree with their diagnosis.

I would described myself as a person who's level of tolerance for all things that qualify as "plain stupid", "mentally lazy", "moronic", and "mind numbingly brain dead" is somewhat on the low side. And by somewhat on the low side I mean I have no patience what so ever. When I encounter or have to interact with someone who meets the criteria for "dumber than a box of sh-t", I become frustrated. Let's list examples shall we...

1. Let's say you ask me a question, and I answer it, providing all relevant details and facts. If you ask me the same question tomorrow, I will provide the same info, but chances are you will get a warning message alerting you to my concern for your brain function. Ask me a third time at any point within the next 5 days, I will ignore you or I will commence a series of events that will highlight just how dumb you are, in terms even a dumb a$$ can comprehend. If it is important enough for you to ask me (the first time) and I pay your question the respect it deserves and provide incredibly useful information, I take it as disrespect and lack of caring for you to forget, ignore, or fail to memorize the info you asked me to provide. I take my job serious, and if you disrespect me I get "agitated".
2. Let's say you ask for my help to ensure a process runs smoothly. I provide that help, and yet somehow the things you were responsible for are FUBAR as if you could care less about the process you initiated, you have wasted my time. I will get "agitated". If you ask me to help you clean up your cluster as well, chances are I will, but remember I have already become "agitated", anymore signs of a lack of effort or concern by you opens yourself up to verbal lambasting on a level to make some people feel "depressed".
   
3. Let's say I foresee potential problems (I am awesome at predicting episodes of moronic-ness), I care enough to bring you a potential problem scenario and suggest ways to avoid them. However, if the problem actually arises and you have the cajones to act like you did not know something like that could happen and commence to trying to shift blame, I will put together an airtight, Supreme Court worthy argument on how you are a waste of resources to humanity.
4. If you assure me you can do something as long as I put these steps in place, and I do as you have asked me, and you fail to perform your job, I am now chapped. Should I remind you, & you assure me it was a one time occurrence, and you fail again, now I am chapped and blistered. If you receive a third chance to correctly do your job and it is above your abilities because you obviously don't care, I am borderline homicidal and you need to go away for 2-3 months. Seriously, I don't understand how people cannot do the most simplest of tasks when I consider some of the things I am responsible for.
   
5. If I bust you down to the rank of mentally challenged and you take the time to acknowledge you screwed up but then try to blame someone else, now you are in the realm where I can't respect you because of your inability to do your job and your inability to own your mistake like a man. Essentially, you are dead to me, I am just waiting for Darwin to do his job.
6. Fast/loud talkers- This isn't something that occurs, it is a breed of person I come into contact with. They make my skin crawl with unfulfilled dreams of physical and mental destruction I wish to visit upon them. If you are a fast and loud talker, I know your story. You have something to hide, and you try to hide by talking way too fast and way too loud, and with me you have roughly 30 seconds to prove it isn't ignorance or your trying to pull something over on me. 99% of fast/loud talkers fail my 29 second fool proof bullsh-t test, after which I assume every conversation you have with me you are trying to mislead me. In other words, you are wasting my time and chances are good you are lying to me, and while you talk I am mentally trying to make your heart stop or a blood vessel in your head rupture. I just am, sorry. I figure if I can't speed up the conversation, I can entertain myself.
   

I am not an angry man, but there are things that make me angry. That I encounter those things at my job almost daily probably does provide the appearance that I am angry. However, I am generally not angry at home so I definitely contribute that appearance of being angry to my business life. For me to take angry home after work means that that particular day was worse than normal, and by worse I mean it was 10-12 hours of flash flood dumb with a chance for severe moronic. Usually the 20 minute ride home is enough time to exorcise the demons and walk into the house happy.

Thanks Tadpole, thanks B-Luv, I appreciate your concern for my personality orientation but I much prefer smiling and laughing and having a good time. I really do.

Something I figured out today

I woke up at 4am today. I woke up because my son came to see me, slightly earlier than normal. My son has been waking up and coming to get me at 5am sharp for about 3-4 weeks now. Sometimes earlier, sometimes later, but the average wake up time is 5am.

What goes on a 5am? Well, usually there's some breakfast, changing of clothes, reading some books, watching music videos (Rihanna's "Umbrella" is a fan favorite...), and of course some Thomas the Train coordination and discussion. Mommy usually stays asleep for these festivities...

My wife and I discussed several possibilities for this, including he will probably be someone who doesn't need a lot of sleep, he is going through a growth spurt, etc. He does wake me up telling me he is hungry, so I never questioned it too deeply. He is growing, and I don't want to be responsible for slowing him down.

Today I wanted to vegg in bed a bit longer, so I asked my son to lay with me for a bit. I got no objections, he snuggled right up with me holding him and went right to sleep. I am talking old school daddy holding little man snuggling and sleeping (he slept, I held him and listen to him breathe). This constitutes the best transition from sleep into wide awake for me in quite some time.

5am, my alarm goes off, and the usual festivities commence (no Rihanna video though, shucks). So, what was the difference in 4am and 5am if we were going to do the very same stuff? The snuggling time. I truly believe the boy just wants to hang out with me. He isn't coming to get me JUST because he is hungry (even though he is), and he isn't JUST coming to get me so we can do our normal routine (although we always do). I think, scratch that, I know and believe he comes and gets me because he wants to spend as much time with me as he possibly can. In his eyes, I am the coolest guy he knows.

I woke up at 4am today. I woke up and learned something new, and today has been a glorious day because of it.

Geez, talk about fussy people....

So anyway, I have been lambasted and chastised for my lack of entries and overlong delays in posting. I actually got called out today verbally by my friend who runs http://supplementyourlife.blogspot.com, add to that my wife and my mom giving me poop, oh and Poop kinda giving me poop too, so here you go. I am posting something. Merry Christmas. I hope you're happy....

What to write about? I got nothing really pressing to discuss. This weekend I finished another book, I finally saw all of Street Thief (turns out it's not real, but it had me for about two hours), I have eaten a lot of spaghetti in the last 18 hours (thanks BHazy), and I let my son brutalize me (jumping on my stomach and back, knees in the back, run and leap onto me, cover me up and then pummel me, the usual), then we went to the park and let him chase a big dog around. Currently, my son is napping and my wife is hovering over my back to ensure I publish this. No pressure, right honey sweetums????

Thought for the day- If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, does that frog still need to say "my bad" if he farts a little?