Humor abounds from the darndest places

Here are just a few humorous comments I have collected over the last couple of weeks, do yourself a favor and tinkle before reading.... okay, I did warn you.

1. My son starts playing a matching game- "This is fascinating"
2. My son's observation that his Gran isn't moving to quickly- "Gran, are you having troubles?"
3. My son before we leave the house on an errand- "I turned off mommy's hair burner"
4. Polite conversation between me and my son, mommy as a topic come's up and I ask "who"? "That girl over there, my moms"
5. After our dog decides to nibble on my son's leg for fun- "I am not a bone I am a kid!!!"
6. I send an email on a product to some people, and a friend replies back "I don't see the hub bub". At which point I respond "are you holding the mirror down there?"
7. One of my employees describes a friend he was with and how drunk he was- "Man, he was pretty much "obliverated". I have not found any such word by Webster...
8. I had my lunch and was being chastised for not bringing an employee any. I said "I didn't think you liked Pot Roast". The employee responds "Who the f-ck doesn't like pot roast?!?!"

Not all are home runs, but I think I will be going to the playoffs...

Amusing things said while I was on vacation

These are little nuggets of humor said while I was out of the office and at home relaxing with my wife and son

Wife- If you can't sit there and wait for your Dad to get finished, you don't need any Chocolate.
Son- SILENCE!!!!

Wife (to me)- You're not fat. You can't help you like M&Ms. (thanks baby. wait a minute...)

Me- Hot Dogs are nasty meat son.
Son- No, they're delicious.

Son (after tackling him to tickle him)- have you lost your mind?

Son (after I opened one of his gifts)- Moms, Dad finished emptying the box. He's a good finder-digger.

Speaking of being on vacation, it was awesome thanks for asking. We had a kick ass birthday party for my son (he's 4 years old, acts like he's 24...), took my son and picked him up from school, went to the gym a lot, took my fair share of naps, went to BounceU on family night and pretty much put a whooping on myself, went driving to find a movie theater and never found it, and in general just relaxed and did nothing work related. I did make a mistake and check my inbox, 1685 emails in 4 days. 12 of them were spam... Needless to say, I am not going to be on the best of terms with Monday when it is time to go back to work.

Can't stay mad

My son is too smart by far. He was being something of a "pill" this evening, not listening, doing things he should not do and he knows he shouldn't, and various other pre-school behaviors. I ask him what is going on, why is he acting so wild. He hits me with the following:

"I am just so excited to be at home with you dad."

Game. Set. Match. No serve and volley, he served up an ace and I took a moment to watch it's beauty as it flew by, and no one was happier than me.