Well, well, well, what shall we talk about today? Global economy? Nah, that topic is overdone and boring. Religion? Nope, too much talking has been done and is being done. I think religion needs to adopt the Nike(TM) logo, "Just Do It". Maybe if fewer people were talking and more were actually believing, worshipping, and understanding religion, there just might be fewer wars. Discuss this on your own time. Want to talk about raising gas prices? Why? Until the American consumer decides that it doesn't need an SUV with a Hemi or a military inspired all terrain vehicle to help navigate the mall parking lot, our dependence on fossil fuel will continue. I just hope for everyone's sake that new packet of oil in the Gulf of Mexico pans out like everyone hopes.

Well, since I don't wish to belabor any of those topics as they will be covered on tonight's 5:00pm, 5:30pm, 6:00pm, and 11:00pm news, let me pick a random topic. How about we talk about my son's "way above two year's old" vocabulary. He truly says some funny stuff.

• dammit- yeah, he says it. and he says it with the proper emphasis and in the right context. He wrecks two cars together, "Dammit". His mother or I corrects him, "Dammit". He stubs his toe on the fridge, "Dammit". His mother really wants to pin this on me, has not gathered more than circumstantial evidence.
• sank you- your welcome son, and sank you to you too.
• bless you- whether I have sneezed or I am attempting to drag phlegm from deep lung tissue, he wants to make sure I am covered. Sank you Kiril
• boomer- no idea what this means or is. Started telling his mother and I that he was a boomer, then his cousin was a boomer and he is a big boy. really don't know what a boomer is...
• I wants to drive- easy big fella, your feet won't hit the pedals there Short Round (Indiana Jones reference)
• Happy Halloween- Halloween is the bestest holiday of the year. Halloween is what every holiday is called. See a turkey next to a cornucopia, "Happy Halloween". See Santa Claus toting a sack of toys for good girls and boys, "Happy Halloween". I look forward to Easter...
• get me- this is the same as "Daddy I want to wrestle. After this there tends to be a lot of body slams, tickles, belly raspberries, and neck squeaks. Sometimes it proceeds...
• just one time- this is how he sweetens the pot to get me to wrestle if I seem hesitant or lazy. Ladies and gents, it is never one time. One time always leads to 15+ minutes of body slams, tickles, belly raspberries, and neck squeaks.
• take off gasses- this would be about my spectacles. this phrase is part of the "get me" "just one time" process. He understands I wrestle better if I don't have my "gasses" on.
• Is that for Rob- this accompanies all trips to the bank, apparently he perceives that there is a debt that we owe to my brother, whose name is Rob (good guess for those that were on the edge of their seat).
• I make snakes- not to talk too much about it or gross anyone out, but this is what my son refers to when he makes twosies in the potty. More of a visual description of the outcome... and I think you got it.

These are just a few samples of his verbal skills. He has more than I can count, talking to him is like talking to a 5 year old. He's like a little person (as I stupidly told my wife after a startling and insightful statement by my son, I think it had something to do with the national budget, religion, or rising gas prices...).

Today is your lucky day! It's Two for Wednesday, you lucky dog you!!!!!

Tattoos- sure I have one, I think they are cool, and mine is definitely the coolest (at least for me). Why? Because, I honored the unwritten rule of tattoos- it needs to mean something to the person the tattoo is going on. Don't do it because you think it will earn you cool points in middle school, or that you will impress that special person with your "wild" side. Mine was a DHazy twist on what my wife does with photographs and scrap books. It was a well thought out, thoroughly planned and researched physical representation of my love for my son. I will never regret that I got the tattoo, nor will I ever have a reason to have it removed. It will walk through time with me, reminding me of the angelic innocence of a child that I at one time never planned to have and now regret waiting so long to. It will be with me until the end of my time, and as I make that transition, I would like to take a moment to assume that my soul will have that same image as it moves from this existence to the next.

It is said that once you get one, you will either never get another or can barely wait to get more. I am unashamedly the latter- I will get more. I am so sure of that that I have allocated portions of my body to various stories I want to tell with ink. One is quite possibly so ambitious that I think it will take years to complete once I finalize the image and find the artist that can translate my image to my skin. This one is so ambitious, it hasn't even been verbalized by me to anyone. But once I get the design right and the artist on board, it will be a work of art to make even Picasso cry. Do I have your curiosity up? If your name is BHazy, I for sure know I do.....

I would also like to send a blog-tastic shout/write/email out to Kat Von D, from the show Miami Ink. I think she has by far the best talent for portraits I have even seen. It is a goal of mine to get her to ink a tattoo for me. Hey, Google is good for a quick plug in her honor- http://www.katvond.net/. Do yourself a favor, jump on over there and take a peek. You need be careful though, you might find yourself wanting to take a little trip to Miami...

First of all, I would like to formally apologize to all four of my blog fans (3 known and 1 possible does equal four, thank you new math) for the less than dependable frequency of my posts. Between the hours I work and not really wanting to associate with a computer when I get home, I find that I don't update like I should. To the four of you, thanks for sticking in there, I hope this is worth it....

Needless to say, I am back from vacation. Heck, I am three weeks back from vacation. "Wow" you say, "you are quite slack". Umm, my bad. So I had 4 more days of vacation, then back to pushing a boulder up a mountain with my nose. I think that accurately portrays the life of a manager.

****Should you read this prior to accepting a job as a manager, pay close attention. All that money they are offering is for you to do the same job you have been doing BUT in addition you get to manage people doing a similar job. Don't misunderstand this, that money ain't for your ability to do the manual/mental/emotional portion of the job. That money is a bi-weekly apology for allowing you the "honor" of taking over some of the "higher ups' " headaches. A commitment from your employer to keep you well stocked on Excedrin and Rolaids, if you will. You might say "But Dhazy, what could be so difficult about telling people to do a job you already excel at?". Telling huh? Try equal measures of bribing, coercion, blackmail, trickery, jedi mind tricks and fanny smooching. Oh yes, you do have to slap on the chap stick and pay homage to the rump, because that's where the human ego dwells...

Side note- Due to my "experience" in managing, I think that I have the ability to go into politics or organized crime, but I could be wrong. I mean, I'll be the first to admit that I am not good at managing people. But then again, I ain't the worst to ever where the badge either.

What is so difficult about managing? Well, take ten foot of good old fashioned rope. Lay it out straight. Pick the "front" end. Promptly proceed to the "back" end and start pushing it in any direction. Heard that one before have you? Alrighty then, take same rope, and now give it feelings and emotions, religious and political baggage, let it date another co-worker rope and then the two ropes break up, allow the rope to figure out what it needs to do to get by and qualify less than stellar work ethic by their perceived lack of financial motivation, and the real kicker, you get to then be a counselor to the rope without necessarily having a Masters in psychology and Tissue Passing. That's why money is involved- flat out, people are a miserable race to work with and as a manager you should be compensated for not throttling them. Heck, I guess I should add "commitment from your employer to keep your hormonal levels in check with good scripts", because there have been days where I have considered either starting to drink or getting really serious about religion. Lack of faith and disappointment in mankind is not the best reason to do either.

"Well what should I do DHazy?" You tell me, we all make decisions for different reasons. You want the money, buckle up for the headaches because they are coming and will keep coming. You want to walk through life with fewer facial tics and murderous inclinations, stick to being a grunt. All I ask, and this is for all managers, if you decide to be a grunt, be one that comes in, does your job to the best of your ability, and go home.

So yes, I "love" being a manager and highly "recommend" it.

PS- just about anywhere you see quotes around a word (not a phrase or sentence), that is my sarcasm desperately trying to escape. If it's in quotes, think I mean the opposite.